THE AWAKENING

So, it’s almost the end of the year and last year if you have read my posts I found a pet name for that year and it was WHISKY (take a sneak peak if you have the time)
Someone once told me that words have life and we cannot take back what we say; so this year I chose to keep quiet and if I said anything hurtful to anyone my apologies. This year, was a hurricane. My feelings were all over the place, my mind was juggled up with ideas, self-beating and wondering who was by my side.
When my mind was busy, my spiritual life fell apart; I did things that were beyond my strength; fear gripped me and I did things that for a few months I was a walking zombie. I got through that but with scars that were visible and only those who were close to me noticed.I realized I had a lot of people around me but when I needed help none of them showed up. I prayed to God to reveal each and every person in my life and trust me the results were so painful that as we speak I have few people around me let’s say three lol😂To some I was the petty girl all emotional and dramatic; it’s like I am supposed to laugh or hug someone when they do something to piss me off.
To some I had a price tag, I don’t know how many dollars yet but this really made me crumble; I realized I was too good or maybe naive that someone had the nerve to place a bet on me and I fell for it; I have never felt used in my entire life.
To some I was an afterthought; when they needed something they’ll be like ohhhh there’s a girl who won’t mind having my back. It’s good to be selfish sometime.
To most I wasn’t good enough and this made me start doubting my own capabilities. Like I wasn’t good enough for this or that and before I realized I was losing myself. I lost interest in writing, lost track in my spiritual journey which was going to be catastrophic because without God all things are impossible.All these tore me down and I had one thing to do learn to block the negatives and take the positive. It hasn’t been easy but now knowing where I stand it’s going to be easy.All I can leave you with is know your worth; your worth is not on humans but God because He makes everything come to pass according to His own timings, He has a reason as to why He places some people in your life and whatever you’re going through you’re His warrior and He will definitely make a way.Always declare the I am in your life and if you believe in what you declare in your life when saying these words then indeed your life is going to be well. So before the end of year I declare;
I AM GOD’S CHOSEN ONE
I AM BEAUTIFUL
I AM BRAVE
I AM A WINNER
I AM BLESSED
I AM RICH
I AM STRONG
I AM WONDERFUL

WORLD OF A SINGLE MUM

It is every woman’s dream to get married and have children; I was among the statistics but there are dreams that just don’t come true. I got my baby girl in my final year of University and not only did guilt kill me but I felt I had disappointed my parents. Being a first born, some responsibilities you don’t need to be told its like they are bestowed on you when you take in your first breath. So it was my responsibility to carry the family’s name with honour and yet here I was pregnant in my final year; how did I get here?

My 9 months journey was hectic, finishing my studies,a baby on the way and tension at home. To add on to it I was training my mind on how I would be a single mum and the journey ahead of me. To cut the long story short my baby is now four; she’s amazing and I thank God for going ahead of us. My dad is an amazing father figure he has made sure my baby doesn’t lack for anything; what more will I ask for. She has amazing people around her and for this I always thank God.

So four years down the line I hoped God will open a door and I’ll get married and have my own home but vitu kwa ground ni different. Let me take you down this road of dating for a single mother. This is to all the men that are dating a single mother.

1. You’re not doing us a favor by dating us.
For some reason some men think they’re father Christmas when they date a single mum. One we already have it all and we just want a complete family jus like any other woman.
2. You’re not dating us but ME
When you’re trying to impress me by wanting to meet my child do things for them. Fine sikatai its okay but let it be known that its me you’re dating and I determine whether you’re good enough to meet my kid. So just come being you not trying to win a lottery somewhere.
3. Patience
Dating a single mum takes patience. When I say patience you need the mercies of God for this because we have everything juggled up; from our needs, to your child’s needs, the hustles of life; so please understand when we forget some things it’s not that we do it intentionally.
4. We are psychics
I don’t know how to explain this but I think when we become mothers there’s that eighth sense God blesses us with; like we know when a relationship is heading somewhere and if we’re just wasting time. So when you see a woman loosing interest just know she saw it coming long ago and she can’t save the relationship anymore.

All said and done I just wish society will stop talking shit about children raised by single parents. We fit on both shoes and we strive to give our kids the best of equal worlds. A child’s morals is not defined by the presence of both parents but by the discipline and how you talk to your children.To all single parents out their I salute you for the courage and strength you have of taking care of your child in such a society that always points fingers instead of cheering us on.

OUTDO THE BAD

The journey of life has its epics and downfalls.

Let me take you through my journey, in life we go through different stages and that is when you weigh yourself  and know what kind of person you are. Fulfilling God’s purpose in the world can be hectic and heart breaking but above it all its worth it.

My experiencing on the weighing scale tore my soul to the core. Picture this, you do what you love to the best and once the results come all that stands out are the negatives. This experience put me in a fight between my self esteem and confidence. I had to choose whether to let the bad outdo the good in me.

It wasn’t easy. I thought that going through rejection and coming out strong had prepared me from everything but i was wrong. Standing there speechless, you could see through my face the disappointment, the question mark in my face( didn’t you see the good) was so evident and all i had to do was swallow the bitter pill thrown to me. Don’t get me wrong i love being corrected but in my opinion appreciate someone for the effort and the good they are doing then come to the bad. At least this individual will be psyched to work on their flaws having in mind the other person also saw there strengths.

You are eager to know how i fought this right? Well surprisingly yet abnormal to most people i took my phone and listened to amazing worship song by Hillsong NEW WINE and it spoke to my flesh and soul putting me back on my feet again.

When choosing a career be careful because some are a hard path to walk on. Make room for corrections, create a space in your  heart so big that you can carry all the critics, the good and bad and most importantly remember to sieve everything that comes your way.

The Bible is very clear, guard your heart because the heart is the most fragile organ and it is easily broken. Always remember you also have a sit at God’s table let the worldly troubles not worry you.

TEMPO

I have written poems enough on time

And guess what everyone of this Titles brings out a different feel

I describe time as a thief, but sometimes as a lecturer that demands your attention

Most times as a mother that always reminds you of things passed and things to come

I have had a good mixed with bad memories with time

Let’s start with the bad

Now walk with me

We all have dreams and I had a list for that

When I finished my college I knew life won’t be easy

Internship after internship and it was amazing

But during that process something hurt me so bad and I had a different approach to life

We always give our best to every shot or opportunity we given but someone somewhere will decide to paint it all black

This didn’t get me down as they painted black I chose colors to complement it.

I have a scar hidden somewhere when I it come to work ethics it’s like a tattoo that reminds me that people will paint dull colors for you every day you step a foot in the office but guess what don’t let it get you down; confuse them with the colors.

To the good

Remember that scar I just told you about

It’s my bullet proof jacket

I have gotten opportunities to meet and train with amazing guys and in that moment I always think of this ;have fun play with my colors and always have back up colors to help you fight all the bad vibes.

It has really worked out

You don’t pick up your fights but guess what you can pick your colors, which music goes with today’s feeling and what goes with best with the day silence or a little word.

In this journey I have many costumes sometimes I’m a clown, but sometimes I’m a kid, but sometimes I’m a mother and sometimes I’m forced to grow up and guess what the hardest of them all is growing up.

So since I’m a grown up no one told me I can’t paint what I feel, and I don’t pretend to be OK when I’m not, I laugh when I want, but cry when I’m pushed to the wall but best feeling of this stage is ; it will all be alright and at the end of the day it’s never that serious.

WHISKY 2018

It’s the end of the year
Yet so much to do
I got to put my past mistakes behind and move forward
But there’s this one thing that is still holding meback
I got to forgive that fella that never even said sorr
How do you even heal the heart that was so broken
Where do you even start when your heart and mind
Are just an entangled web

Well 2018was like whisky
When it started I was salivating and the urge
To open it was itchy
Six months down the line and I couldn’t hold the urge anymore
So I opened and I tasted it
The bitterness cut through my taste buds
And it burned my throat like hell
Well this couldn’t stop me from finishing my bottle of whisky

Month by month I got intoxicated
I felt the pain cutting through each part of my body
But hey who cared what I did
It was tough I lost some friends in the process
Those who stood by me just had to pray and wait for a miracle
Because I was drowning in my own sorrows

I sobered up and here I am now
Learnt the lesson and moving on
It still aches but its better than remaining there
So 2019 will be a good drink
No hurry
Taking a day at a time
And when it’s time to celebrate this time around
I need something smooth, something sweet
A drink that will remind me that life is worth everything
So brace yourself and leave it all behind

WAKE UP CALL

I believed i love and everything that tales said about it
I remember when i was ten love was so pure
I had friends that would give anything just to keep the bond
Until i grew older and started seeing things fall apart
From the world i thought i knew as a kid
To what my naked eyes saw and my tiny ears heard

It was devasting
People lied through their teeth
And smiled just to lure people into their traps
Some went ahead to even stain their hands with blood
Just to get rich and wealthy
Relationships became a barter trade
You give me some i get you a ring

With all this insanity i ran to where comfort lies
The church
Where i thought i would find peace i found chaos
People fighting for top places in leaderships
Instead of love i found hatred
People isolated themselves from the less fortunate
This clouded my mind and i didnt even know who to turn to

No one believes in anyone or anything anymore
The world has become a place only for the rich
If you cant find your up then u nothing
Dreams are being crushed
Opportunities used so recklessly
The one thing left is YOU

Who do YOU believe in
Who do YOU put your trust in
How strong is YOUR faith
How often do you go down on your knees
And have a conversation with God

We have become too proud to even go down on our knees
Too stubborn to confess our sins
Our egos too big to ask for His Mercies
Our heads too knowledgable thinking we can overcome Him
I hope that one day
We will be too small to let the bigger one take us through
Humble enough to let Him guide us
Soft spoken to give Him a chance to speak

As I decrease May He increase

PURPOSE

Sometimes the journey seems impossible to finish

Commitments become hard to accomplish

Dreams become impossible to fulfil

The path we travel

Tends to be wide

Giving a million paths to tread on
Yet only one will get you to your destination

When we all were born we had friends we could die for

As we continued growing older the list of friends became lesser

Our contact lists have names of people

Whom if today we got into circumstances that forced us to ask for help

We will all be stuck on who to give a call

In my opinion friends are like seasons

They come and go

And unfortunately some never come back

To fulfil our purpose we need to shed off

Some things or even some people

It ain’t easy but it has to be done

There are times you will just be quiet and observe people

Most times you would wish you could scream to let it all out

To fulfil your purpose in this life

Doesn’t matter which purpose

Either God’s purpose or your personal purpose

You will have to go to war

So brace yourself

Keep your head up high

Because it ain’t for the faint hearted

When the battle field gets too crowded
Close your eyes and just whisper

Clear the battle field for me and

(God) He will do just that

Lilian Mueni

Patience, Perseverance, Humility and above all Prayer

Will help you move any kind of mountain or deep sea

In your mission to achieving your purpose

DILEMA!

How amazing it is to know that there is someone who loves you unconditionally

That we do not need to go through a process to have His love

How amazing it is that He is slow to anger and He is always all forgiving

 

The world is full of baggage

Damaged is what it is

Without Christ all is vanity

In a world full of things that even thinking about it just sends thrills to your body

What have we come to?

Where are we heading

Who will save human kind from the snares of the enemy?

 

The command that God gave humans was to multiply

But we have turned the sacred thing SEX into a game of cards

Everyone is doing it and the fact that everyone is doing it in public is even sadder

Why can’t we protect our morals, dignity our very most secret components of our bodies?

Ladies have become an open book rather than a mystery for a man to solve

Men now have become so reckless to an extend of using a doll to quench their desires

What happened to the notion that a man was the Church?

Our bodies are the temple of God but now I see they have been housing for bad spirits

 

WE ARE ONE WITH Christ

We should endeavor to do just that

Be holy, build a relationship with God and our ultimate goal should be to see the Kingdom of God

The world is just a temporary home

Our home is in heaven

Hence walk with caution

Think twice

Go deep into prayer

Fight your battles on your knees

And I assure you whatever you need

Whatever you require

He knows about it and He will provide

His timing is the best

DESPARATE TIMES CALLS FOR SERIOUS PRAYER AND FASTING

 

LILIAN MUENI KITING’O

CLEANING THE CLOSET

Life has a lot of things in store for us 
There are times we feel we not good enough

Like everyone is having the bigger and sweetest part of the cake than us

And we always think that we are never getting out of that miserable place

But guess what that just your imagination playing minds games on you

People will come into your life and trust me it is magical and the best moment ever

But guess what one day they will leave you and it will be the loneliest day ever
Many of them we would have grown fond of but letting them go is the hardest thing ever

I have been there when life got tough

The people i loved so much just left without a goodbye

Others left and came back making the process very hard to endure

I hold on to things,people and events and the result was bad

I lost touch with my life

Everything i did was no fun

Things i loved and people i met just made me hide in my cacoon of comfort

I was afraid to love,afraid to try new things out

Sooner or later i was going to loose touch with who i am
It aint easy getting over all that broken things 

But trust me it will break you and u will loose touch with life

Hence i took a step

Started deleting numbers, pictures,messages and people too

There are people in our life that are just zombies

When u need them there is always a good excuse not to show up on every situation

You do not need zombies in your life

You do not need show up kind of people in your life

It is better of to sail alone than with a bunch of fake beings

When i did that and took a step i believe my better days are coming

Cheers to a new life

TRUE FRIEND

People say life is all about friends and love, i strongly agree. 

Life has its ups and downs and we always need a close friend we can confide in and cry our heart out to. Have we ever asked ourselves why many young people commit suicide or tend to engage in funny activities and behaviors?? This is because we don’t choose our friends wisely and we tend to go with groups rather than what this person is without a group. If we chose friends keenly we wouldn’t have to undergo stress or have to ever think of suicide. This is why i chose to write about this.

Sometimes being a loner is a good thing. You do not have to keep up with their temper when they are upset or fix yourself in their schedule or have to force them to hear you out when you need someone to hear you out and also you don’t have to please anyone at any one time. Being a loner has also its disadvantages you tend to be lonely, bored, have no one to share your problems with or hang out with when you are free. Many young people in today’s generation like taking advantage of other people, I think it’s high time people thought of others and put themselves in their shoes and know how it feels to be always ignored, rejected and yet this is the same person you run to when all your peers don’t appreciate you. It’s high time we stopped keeping ghost friends if you do not want someone to be your friend just tell them openly instead of hurting them and letting them waste their energy pleasing you.

People become friends as a coincidence but never do we force them to be best friends. Someone calls you a sister but in return you nickname them a ghost! A ghost that cared, never ashamed to stand by you despite all you throw at them, maybe sometimes they are dead souls they only awaken when summoned. A time comes when this ghost that they have now become will just go back to where it belongs. I guess on their way they’ll meet Casper the friendly ghost and in him they’ll find all the lost ghosts, just like souls find rest they will also find rest sooner and just like Casper the friendly ghost they’ll find their pair. We should never give up but take life as it comes, if it gives you lemons make lemonade out of it. If we have friends and aren’t comfortable who we feel like ghosts it’s high time we walked out and became free spirits. 

They say time heals all and we never know maybe there is someone who needs such a friend and are just waiting for you to knock on their door and everything will fall into place.

The best of friends one can ever have is a mother. Most people are not close to their mother but it is advisable to always keep our mothers always at reach. There are situations in life when we cannot even talk to our closest friends but there’s always one person who you can tell anything and will never judge you or feel uncomfortable about you. This one person is our mother, she’ll never be a ghost and never be a seasonal friend she will always be an all time friend. 

A true friend should be like a mother: when trials heavy and sudden fall upon us, when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine desert us; when trouble thickens around us; still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts. These are the actions of a true friend I just hope we all find that one true friend.